On the day I photographed two cats in Jaipur, the spirit of my dear, sweet, little Pistol-Yero slipped out of his body and left this life behind
Monday, March 19, 2012 at 8:12PM ;)
The first cat I photographed in Jaipur stopped by this basket and peered at the garland within, such garlands playing sacred roles in Hindu society. What I did not know was that back home, my little Pistol-Yero either had lain down, or soon would, beneath my desk, apparently to take a nap.
During my absence, Caleb and Margie would frequently let both him and Jim into my office. They reported that they missed me badly, as they always do when I go and that my absence had been particularly hard on Pistol. On this day, he had been in my office quite awhile, so Margie opened the door to check on him. She saw him lying beneath my desk, apparently sleeping peacefully, so she closed the door and let him be.
But he was not sleeping peacefully. He was dead. No one knows why he died, but he did. He was not an old cat. He was our youngest cat. I cannot remember for certain what year we got him. 2004?
My little Pistol-Yero!
How am I now going to be able to bear the return to my house, to step back into my office? It will feel so empty. How will it be, to sit at my chair, in front of my computer, where he would so often join me - most often to insert himself into the space between my keyboard and my monitor, making it very difficult for me to view my monitor?
Most often, I just let him get away with it. I knew he did it because he wanted to be in close proximity to me. I knew it made him feel happy, important, and loved to sit there, so, I would let him sit there and I would do my best to peer around him at whatever it was I was working on.
My little Pistol-Yero!
So sweet, so loving! It took time, because I know he was abused as a kitten. When we brought him home, on the surface he appeared mean and tough, but that was all a facade. He just did not want to be abused anymore.
And when he finally figured out that he would never be abused in our house, when he came to know for certain that no matter what happened, no matter what he did - even if he peed on the rug - he would not get hit or punched or kicked across the room, he put the mean and vicious facade aside. He let the love pour out. He let the love pour in. His sweet purr surpressed his frightened, snarling, growl.
Every night when I would be home, he would curl up right beside my head and there he would purr until he fell asleep. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I would place my hand upon him. He would purr some more.
;)
And now he is gone. This is my final day in India. Tonight, I board a jet that will take me to Dubai, then on to Los Angeles, Phoenix, then, two days later, home to Wasilla, where he is now being kept outside in a box, frozen, in a place Margie assures me no dog nor raven can get to him.
More than three feet of snow covers the frozen ground.
It won't be easy, but we will come together as a family. We will shovel a plot from the snow, we will pierce the hard, rocky, frozen earth; we will dig a grave. We will bury him - our dear, sweet, beloved, little Pistol-Yero - of the fragile, tender heart.
Reader Comments (30)
I'm so sorry to learn of Pistol-Yero's passing. Safe travels back to Wasilla. Love from LA.
Awesome, yet so heart felt sorrow ... truly feel the loss of a dear friend seeing you off was his final expression of his love for his friend.
I am so sorry. May all the Gods help you to find the Peace.
I am so sorry for your loss. When yet another of my four-legged friends leaves this earthly path, I find comfort in knowing that for but a brief moment in time, the spiritual being having that feline or canine experience shared my path. And wasn't I the better for it.
I am always reminded of two passages when I am faced with a loss such as yours:
"Think where man's glory most begins and ends, and say my glory was I had such friends." WB Yeats
"Do not be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necessary before we can meet again. And meeting again, be it after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends." from Illusions, by RS Bach
I wish you peace and calm as you navigate the path ahead without your dear companion.
Awww.... We're so sorry! Our little, fuzzy, sweet companions / angels.....
I'm sorry for your loss. Have a safe trip home. Thank you for all you do.
Just revisted your blog -- found the new one -- after a hiatus, and to read most unwelcome this is very hard, though not as hard as what you are feeling. The love of a dog is expected, but the love of a cat is something rare and special. Your tribute to Pistol-Yero has me in tears.
OH Bill, i'm so sorry , sending my love .
I'm so sorry, Bill. It's hard enough that their lives are so much shorter than ours, and harder still when the time we have with them gets cut short without warning.
Oh Bill, I'm so sorry. My heart aches for you and the loss of your beloved Pistol-Yero! I loved him too and was always so happy when you included pictures of him. The one that immediately came to mind was one of him lying, happy and warm in front of the fire. It's so very hard to lose any member of our furry families, especially one so loving and gentle. It took me awhile, after reading the headline for your blog to actually click on the link. I didn't want to know, I didn't want to read about his passing, but finally I forced myself. You wrote about it so beautifully and your love just shines through every word. Thank you for being such a special & talented man sharing your life with us.. I only wish it was possible for your friends to take part of your pain from you. I'd be there! Peace and comfort to you and your family and all who loved your very special baby.
Love & many hugs
Kat
They slip into our lives and before we know it, they've curled themselves around our souls. They slip out again so quietly, and so quickly. My deepest sympathies to you for your loss.
I'm so sorry Bill.
My love to you and the loss!
I didn't expect to be crying this morning. Bill, I'm sorry for your loss. I'm thankful you were able to be with him as you obviously brought out the best of him. Take care and safe travels when you return home! ~ Kera
I'm so sorry Bill. I teared up when I read this post.
Oh, Bill! I'm so sorry!
We all have an empty spot in our hearts with you this morning. Have a safe trip home and may you be able to put him to rest soon. We do so miss our furry friends.
Bill...I join with everybody here in my deep emotion over the loss of your precious Pistol-Yero. Nobody who truly loves and lives with pets can go for too long without experiencing the soul-wrenching loss to us of their dear selves. Their loss hurts more because they give themselves to us so lovingly and unconditionally. They only want our love and care, and clearly, you gave that to the fullest. I share your sorrow at his loss, and wish you healing.
I am sorry to hear of your loss. Your treasured memories will never leave you.
You've been through the anguish of losing a dear cat friend before, as have I, but it's far worse when you can't be there talking to them and telling them how much you love them as they slip away. I'm sorry this happened, but even more sorry that it happened when you were away.
My goodness! He looks just like the cat in India! I think he was reincarnated. I know how sad it is to lose a beloved pet, but somehow it is harder when they came from an abusive situation. Hopefully, in the near future, a poor, little furry soul will find you, and you will invite him/her in and provide safety, love, and comfort for yet another little quadraped.
I lost my Gulliver a number of years ago. He traveled with me as a kitten from Chicago to Dutch Harbor, and then back to the lower 48 a few years later. The day he died was so shocking that I just couldn't be at home without him. So, I took a road trip up the coast. I just kept driving until I was so exhausted that seeing the road through the driving rain and my tears became too dangerous. I stopped at the first place I came to - a motel with a greasy dinner. I grabbed a burger and went to my room. The whole drive, when I'd finally distract my mind with work or the news it would ultimately slam back to Gulliver with a panicked feeling that I'd lost him, or forgotten him somehow. I was not managing well. Sitting in the motel room, I'd thought I'd really lost it when I heard a cat meowing at the door. Thinking the only way I could prove my mental breakdown would be to open the door and find nothing there, I got up to check. But when I opened the door a sopping wet and very vocal can came sauntering in from the rain. He jumped up on the bed and began to bath, occasionally gazing at me, and purring very loudly. After a few minutes of pinching myself and trying to discern the meaning of this, I gave in. I had been cursing God all day because Gulliver's death was just so unfair. I'm not particularity religious, but I do believe in a higher power. As I sat with this cat, I realized he was a messenger there to let me know that Gulliver was OK, and that I was going to be OK too. After he finished his bath and a good portion of my burger, I called the front desk to find that his owner was indeed looking for him; that he lived down the street and his name was Speedo. To continue the weirdness- the owner called me a few minutes later to see if I wouldn't mind "watching " Speedo so that she could go to a friend's party. She'd be by in a couple of hours to pick him up. For those two hours Speedo was my therapist. To this day, nothing relaxes my mind more than a bathing cat.
I am very sorry for your loss Bill, but so happy that Pistol-Yero had you in his life.
Oh, Bill, I'm so very sorry. Like so many others here, I'm mourning your loss. I'm so sorry that this had to happen while you were so far away and that your homecoming will be bittersweet. Your news made me think (as I do every day) of my dear Samson, who came into my life also in 2004 and left it heartbreakingly soon in 2009. Samson was a feral kitten, so it took time and patience to win his trust, as it did for you with Pistol-Yero. I was always so grateful and proud of him for taking the chance to open his huge, tender heart to me. I once read a medium's description of what happens when we die. She claimed that we are met on the other side by our loved ones, and that the first to greet us are all the animals we have shared love with, who surge around us in a joyful reunion. I hope so much that this is true. The thought of it brings me great comfort when I think of all my beloved, departed companion animals. I'm sending you love, and hoping that your journey home is a smooth one.
Pistol Yero is off to see Royce........and as a gentleman from Memphis named Willie (if I remember right) shared at that time "Love never Dies".........have a safe ride home!
We, too, are saddened to hear that Pistol-Yero has traveled on. We have loved reading about him ever since you started blogging. He was a good cat.
Jerrianne & Miss Kitty =^..^= & Mai Tai