On the day I photographed two cats in Jaipur, the spirit of my dear, sweet, little Pistol-Yero slipped out of his body and left this life behind
Monday, March 19, 2012 at 8:12PM ;)
The first cat I photographed in Jaipur stopped by this basket and peered at the garland within, such garlands playing sacred roles in Hindu society. What I did not know was that back home, my little Pistol-Yero either had lain down, or soon would, beneath my desk, apparently to take a nap.
During my absence, Caleb and Margie would frequently let both him and Jim into my office. They reported that they missed me badly, as they always do when I go and that my absence had been particularly hard on Pistol. On this day, he had been in my office quite awhile, so Margie opened the door to check on him. She saw him lying beneath my desk, apparently sleeping peacefully, so she closed the door and let him be.
But he was not sleeping peacefully. He was dead. No one knows why he died, but he did. He was not an old cat. He was our youngest cat. I cannot remember for certain what year we got him. 2004?
My little Pistol-Yero!
How am I now going to be able to bear the return to my house, to step back into my office? It will feel so empty. How will it be, to sit at my chair, in front of my computer, where he would so often join me - most often to insert himself into the space between my keyboard and my monitor, making it very difficult for me to view my monitor?
Most often, I just let him get away with it. I knew he did it because he wanted to be in close proximity to me. I knew it made him feel happy, important, and loved to sit there, so, I would let him sit there and I would do my best to peer around him at whatever it was I was working on.
My little Pistol-Yero!
So sweet, so loving! It took time, because I know he was abused as a kitten. When we brought him home, on the surface he appeared mean and tough, but that was all a facade. He just did not want to be abused anymore.
And when he finally figured out that he would never be abused in our house, when he came to know for certain that no matter what happened, no matter what he did - even if he peed on the rug - he would not get hit or punched or kicked across the room, he put the mean and vicious facade aside. He let the love pour out. He let the love pour in. His sweet purr surpressed his frightened, snarling, growl.
Every night when I would be home, he would curl up right beside my head and there he would purr until he fell asleep. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I would place my hand upon him. He would purr some more.
;)
And now he is gone. This is my final day in India. Tonight, I board a jet that will take me to Dubai, then on to Los Angeles, Phoenix, then, two days later, home to Wasilla, where he is now being kept outside in a box, frozen, in a place Margie assures me no dog nor raven can get to him.
More than three feet of snow covers the frozen ground.
It won't be easy, but we will come together as a family. We will shovel a plot from the snow, we will pierce the hard, rocky, frozen earth; we will dig a grave. We will bury him - our dear, sweet, beloved, little Pistol-Yero - of the fragile, tender heart.
Reader Comments (30)
Oh Bill, I'm so sorry you were not able to be there to say goodbye. Sometimes it's devastating, hard to accept; we can't be two places at once. He was loved and he knew it. Rest in peace dear Pistol-Yero, you were a good friend to Bill and his family, all very lucky to have known you.
I'm so sorry for your loss Bill. Safe travels.
I understand your sorrow. My sweet Felicia IS waiting for me beside the Rainbow Bridge.
Pistol-Yero will be there, too.
For Felicia
My best furry friend ran off to the stars
Her silky coat left behind in my arms.
I washed her soft coat with tears of loss
I miss her .
I cradle her still body and give one last hug
To send her on her way with love
To dance with moonbeams and entertain
The angels with her grace.
One last time I wash her bowl and remember
Her blue eyes watching with patience
As I placed it before her. So elegantly
She dined, as if with kings.
Her pillow sits vacant, still rounded
Where she pressed it down to fit. Her
Blanket flat and shapeless now,
Without her presence.
How I will miss you my little friend,
You gave me such joy and filled
My life with your playful presence.
I miss you.
And if someday I find another cat
Who touches my heart as you did
It will never take your place in my heart
It will not be you.
Someday I will come looking, to hold
You again, and hear your purr
And together we will dance among
The stars and moonbeams.
I WILL go looking for Felicia, my Love Sponge,
My Best Friend, my loving companion, forever a part
of my life.
I thank all of you who commented for the comments. I have been home for almost a day now and it has been very strange and sad not to have Pistol-Yero here. It truly helps to read all of your comments and to know that this beautiful little cat, who was really not so small at all, but just happened to be my Little Pistol-Yero, touched all of your lives as well.
And for all of you who have mourned and will mourn the losses of your own fur-clad friends - which I suspect is all of you - you have my understanding as well.
I'm so sorry about Pistol-Yero. Such a beautiful cat, such a sad homecoming for you.