The Daily School Bus: monkeys capture the bus as nightmare continues
Sunday, October 13, 2013 at 12:47PM ;)
This school bus bearing down upon me and the terrified driver behind me is full of mean, thieving, monkeys.
Where did they come from? I don't know. Wasilla is not the normal habitat of monkeys and there has been no explanation for their sudden appearance here. They are showing up in gangs all over town, terrorizing opera performers and audiences alike and storming bars and fast food restaurants. Last night, they took over the saturday night fight, whalloped all the kick-boxer-wrestlers - including state champion Mac McDermot - the Wasilla Grinder - and sent them fleeing from the arena with their tails tucked between their legs. They are not respecters of gender or age. A medium-sized monkey of extremely ill temperament knocked a biker off the Harley he was climbing onto after emerging from the Mugshot Saloon, stole it, motored away and then snatched a chocolate-dipped ice cream from a tiny, purple-haired 87-year woman who had just gone through the drive-through at Dairy Queen.
Another ripped a Happy Meal from the hands of a toddler at McDonald's and then didn't even eat it. The monkey hurled the meal to the floor and then peed all over the chicken nuggets and apple slices. This really upset the other McDonald's patrons. The manager tried to shut the restaurant down but the monkeys stole his keys, took over the entire restaurant and now only allow monkeys to enter and be served stolen cuisine.
As for the monkeys on this bus, I was driving by Tanaina Elementary, alma-matre of all my children, sipping a 12 oz Americano with cream I had just purchased from Metro. The driver had hurriedly ushered the children onto the bus and was closing the door when the gang-leader monkey spotted my coffee. Forty-two monkeys then stormed the bus, bound and gagged the driver, sent the screaming children off the bus to walk home and then came roaring after me.
They want my coffee. They are not going to get my coffee. I am going to turn onto a rough road and outrun them. A school bus full of monkeys can never catch a Ford Escape on a rough road. The bouncing might cause some of my coffee to slosh out of the cup and spill, but I think I can save most of it.
Oh, dear me! What if there are gangs of monkeys stationed on every back road, just waiting for people fleeing in Ford Escapes to drive right into their traps?
Damn monkeys!
Note: As previously explained, I am posting one school bus picture a day, and no other pictures of any kind, as a protest against the malfunctioning Squarespace iPhone app, to remind my readers why it has become too complicated and time-consuming for me to post as I had been, and hopefully to help prod Squarespace into correcting this problem as close to immediately as is possible.
Reader Comments (1)
If this is your chosen form of protest so be it but I doubt that SquareSpace will notice let alone care. Now if giraffes were to show up in Wasilla that might gather some interest ....